The Elephant
Andrea Smith
When an ex crashes the birthday party, it makes the celebration a bash.
It happened so fast. The epic screaming match.
Adrienne and Gavin were expected to have great memories. The guests watched as the argument raged on.
A long-simmering feud year in the making. A love triangle. Adrienne’s current man Gavin was the love of her life but Bryan, the former boyfriend, couldn’t accept it.
Bryan saw Gavin as the cause of their failed relationship. Bryan couldn’t see himself taking part in his bad romance. He resented Adrienne too.
He didn’t admit it until the end.
She held dark thoughts too. She had signs from the beginning that Bryan wouldn’t commit, and she ignored them like she would a stop sign.
In the early days, she thought if she loved him enough, he would want to settle down. Even as years slipped by her with her thirties behind her. She stayed in a relationship with someone trying to resolve her daddy issues. It makes as much sense as getting comfortable with following someone in the dark.
Not meant to be, and she let it go on for years longer than she should have. And then her passion became as numb as the first shot of whiskey. Scared to be alone or admit to herself she had made a mistake.
Her nights with Bryan, getting wasted until she blacked out. And the hangovers.
She was acting as his anchor. The distraction from being alone with his thoughts.
Then her standards changed. She wanted a grown-up relationship, with a family.
Then every autumn her hair would fall out. She couldn’t explain it. Could it be the hair products? Doing the wrong hair routine? It’s my body telling me I’m with the wrong man. Pulling the puzzle apart. She couldn’t figure it out. Or put it back together. The Fall of her Discontent. She paid attention to the seasons more than she should have. But why was she so insecure about her hair? Because she always got compliments from people loving her hair. Going back to how it began, she couldn’t say it’s science or the seasons.
What month did it start? September, October, November?
And she found out about her heart condition. And the cardiologist offered a heart monitor instead of feedback. Like the doctor stumbled into medicine accidentally. Then it became permanent hair zapping in those 30 days of side effects. Adrienne told her doctor, and she dismissed it. Then she figured she could become someone else.
I’ll be okay. I’ll buy wigs that look like my hair. I am safe.
Hence, on the night of her 40th birthday party, Bryan had a hard time letting go. He appeared just as the candles were blown out. He barged into the room as Adrienne and Gavin were sharing a kiss.
“I want five minutes,” Bryan demanded.
Fucking leave me alone. Her fists clenched. Adrienne’s pained expression. She was fuming with frustration. She wanted to cry, strike him. She wondered if all dumped fools act like this.
“You get nothing. Stop embarrassing yourself. Have some dignity.”
“You have some dignity. Will Gavin still love you once he sees the real you?”
Her face transformed into a mask of pain. Her secret shame was exposed. Her hair loss and the wig she wears to cover it.
“Why don’t you show him your real hair?”
The guests are stunned, entranced.
“You won’t let me be happy you coward,” Adrienne began.
“Why do you need a constant reminder, you’re living a lie. I bet he thinks you are the most beautiful thing on earth. I did once,” he continued.
Gavin by her side clutched her hand. He glanced at the uninvited guest and then noticed the agony framing her face.
She took a step forward, “Why are you here if I am so hideous?”
“We both know what you look like under that wig,” he smiled.
Her eyes widen at the prospect that Gavin will realize she’s not perfect. She hates her ex for exposing her hair woes.
The pop star and the senator discussed the couple’s argument.
“What about the things they shouted? I felt sorry for them both. He said something about her not having long hair. It was embarrassing,” the pop star observed.
“She looked like she saw a ghost,” the senator added.
“He liked that he made her uncomfortable. He derived pleasure from it. He saw it as a small victory,” the pop star continued.
“He’s emotionally unstable. He couldn’t see that she was unhappy. He certainly was unhappy. That’s why it is strange that he chose to find her. He shut her down at every turn. He was defensive towards her. His response was pure hatred.”
“It makes me wonder how they fell in love.”
“You can tell she was trying to get rid of him. He still loves her. He cares that much.”
“No way! If he did, he would care about her happiness. People break up. He can’t move on. He’s miserable.”
“Maybe she left him without an explanation.”
“What about the new guy? He didn’t do anything but hold her hand.”
“She didn’t need him to step in. She doesn’t strike me as a damsel. She was frightened of Bryan. She hid it well. I noticed the body language.”
What they didn’t know was how Bryan and Adrienne fell in love. It’s easy really. With a lot of free time and lots of sex there was bound to be an emotional connection. She ignored the red flags under the flowers and the sweet gestures. The lovely-dovey phase when you spend all your time together. That first kiss during The Notebook. That song by My Morning Jacket they claimed as their song, “Knot Comes Loose.” He taught her how to drive. Bringing her soup and beverages when she was sick. Making her dinner for her birthday.
He had a social life with his boys. She had her books. They were her companions. It was easy to get lost in a daze. The fictional world was more exciting than her purposeless existence. No ambition besides being the loving girlfriend. It slipped her mind that he didn’t spend major holidays or family celebrations with her. It slipped her mind that they were having a teenage love affair. The romance between them was going steady and they were playing house. She met his family, but it was by accident. He didn’t let girls meet his mom. She thought she was special, but it was circumstance.
Adrienne is not perfect.
She met Gavin before Bryan, but they lost contact. They reunited when she was still with Bryan. Before she acted s on her feelings for Gavin, she broke up with Bryan. It was break-up number 2 out of 7. It didn’t matter what number because in hindsight it was one too many. She went back to Bryan convincing herself that it was where she belonged. Gavin mentioned she never gave him a chance. He demanded she choose, but she backed out.
How did they stay in love? It was good until it wasn’t. Honestly, Adrienne hadn’t done this before. She took his lead. She waited for the calls and texts. He helped find her lost cat when she was distraught. And when the same cat had to be put to sleep. He held her hand while she wept and paid the hefty vet bill. During their fights, he brought her weakness and flaws to the forefront. How she didn’t appreciate the groceries he bought when she was broke. Or that he planned every date. Like she brought nothing to the relationship.
In the end, there was an explanation. He refused to accept it. He couldn’t let go. Adrienne tried being friends. But who can be friends with an overbearing ex? He needed to monitor her daily movements. He tried to get her family involved. Pleaded with her brother over Facebook. They were tight during their coupling. He even answered Bryan’s text when he refused to quit his harassment. Just like that, her vow of radio silence was over. The relentless stream of hate texts began. Some sobbing voice messages, but the resentment and betterment rang truest.
Then those bad dreams. She remembered the room. He was there. Engaging with her sister, she might as well have been a shadow in the background. He acknowledged her like a waitress serving him his meal. Other dreams were signs to this but this one she fixated on.
Without his blessing and his limbo of denial, she moved on.
She had a catastrophe due to her heart condition. It was frightening and she tried every remedy to resolve it. And she had taken too long to come back.
The problem was in whose grasp was reality.
The hair woes and the wig as her identity. Or the ex who couldn’t figure out why all his lovers leave.
The gracious host told everyone to leave.
And then she faced her biggest fear.
Later Gavin looked at her. His caring eyes expressed that she was not alone. She tried to explain. But he stopped her.
“Are you okay?” dismissing the topic of hair.
He knew how Bryan rattled her.
“I don’t care why. You can show me when you are ready.”